The title isn't 'tears' as in crying but tears as in 'ripped' - just in case you thought I'd gone all soft....mind you - it could possibly mean tears of frustration as my left foot is still giving me gyp!
After two xrays which didn't show anything, a second GP had a look, and thinks I have some tiny tears in the plantar tissue which runs along the bottom of the foot, literally from heel to the start of the toe, and he feels that this is my problem....as the tissue is the same as ligament/tendon, its going to take a 'long while to heal'...which = REST, which I have done (honestly..cross-my-heart) for the last month, and it's no better...in fact today...there were real tears as I think it's worse :-(
The GP said 1 in 10 athletes (Yay..he thinks I'm an athlete..not a nutter like the last GP!!)will suffer from this as some point, due to 'high impact'...and this plantar tissue is, in effect, my 'shock absorber', taking, when I'm running, all my body weight at full force, typically 90 times a minute - OUCH!!
He has recommended no impact sport - so no running, no body attack, but has said I CAN walk on a treadmill as there is some 'give', no pavement walking, only soft surfaces such as grass or grassy track, no inclines whatsoever - in fact, he recommended changing sport completely for a while to swimming......
I used to love swimming....but in the winter I find it cold..and very wet!! I don't mind the sea, and body boarding or surfing as that is a challenge....but length after length in a pool I find very mind numbing...and there are usually lots of children..it's just kid soup!
So, this morning, I took myself and my gammy foot to the gym to see how we would do on the treadmill...on a fairly low speed (7.6) with no incline....and I managed 5 minutes.......
It felt like I was walking on broken glass...normal day to day walking makes my foot ache, but putting the speed up - 'pounding' somewhat....and I couldn't do it...and I didn't know whether to sit down, fall down or have a melt-down.........
I think I felt that after doing EVERY thing I had been told to do, IE rest, etc etc, and come back slowly, that everything would be OK..and it wasn't......and firstly, it's extremely frustrating...but secondly, it's a bit scary, because that's what I do, and I don't know WHAT else to do!
So, I packed up, came home and had a good think, and tried to put into perspective that it is only an injury, and that it may take a little longer to heal..and then I thought some more.....and thought that my therapy for 'thinking things through' was exercise...so that's when I needed the 'tissues' of the title.......
Feeling sorry for oneself isn't a good thing...so I did start to think how lucky I was in the grand scheme of things...yes, this will take time, but yes, it will get better...yes, I may have to re-think an exercise plan for the next few weeks, but I haven't got to change my life permanently, for example like some of the paralympians had to,following their life changing experiences......but, it is still difficult.
I'm not good with pain, I'm even worse with painkillers.....and it's difficult with a husband who tells you to 'get over it' - but I see the Roses tins of chocolates are back in Tescos for £4...so maybe that could be my new therapy.....it's got to be better than tears and tissues...........
:( xxx
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